国外段子手吐槽秀：门将玩火也传染？
阿利松玩火送礼，利物浦2-1莱斯特城
Slaughtered_gates(利物浦球迷)：你永远不会独自得心脏病。(You will never have heart attack alone.)
Cody667(利物浦球迷)：其实自从阿利松来了我就对他玩火丢球抱有殷切的期待，我是不是没救了…(I've honestly been waiting for that to happen to Alisson since he came. I'm just so weird.)
Teleman_Frank(阿森纳球迷)：阿利松这么快就成为真正的利物浦门将了！(Didn't take long for alisson to become a true Liverpool keeper.)
bridgeorl(利物浦球迷)：自古门将来利记，临阵玩火下场凄。(It’s been a terrible tradition for Liverpool’s goalkeeper to make these mistakes in such stuations.)
AndesiteSkies(利物浦球迷)：罗马，你骗我！(Roma lied to me.)
IwishIwasGoku(阿根廷球迷)：卡里乌斯不是一个球员，而是一种心境。(Karius is not a player, Karius is a state of mind.)
Chrisixx(巴塞尔球迷)：我仿佛听到了遥远的伊斯坦布尔传来的笑声…(I can hear the laughter all the way from Istanbul.)
HoochI5Crazy(利物浦球迷)：但愿两周后阿利松不要尝试去穿裆凯恩…(Inb4 Alisson tries to nutmeg Kane in 2 weeks.)
TheConundrum(利物浦球迷)：得定下规矩，阿利松要是想玩脚后跟过人，必须得等到球队27-0领先才行！(Rules should be made that Alisson can keep chipping players and doing backheels only after 27-0.)
HarryPeratestiz(西雅图球迷)：教你一招，在蛋蛋上敷个冰袋，寒冷会有效缓解上火症状，记得多敷几次哦！(Place ice pack on testicles; chill well to reduce inflammation. Repeat as necessary.)
el_niko23(都灵球迷)：现在马内已经不模仿别人的庆祝动作了，而是已经模仿萨拉赫上赛季的表现了！(So Mane stopped copying other's celebrations and now copying Mo's previous season.)
奥巴拉卡进球，阿森纳3-2卡迪夫城
ThefrozenOstrich(切尔西球迷)：要是你的球队踢阿森纳的时候总不能进球，那就把球传给扎卡吧，他肯定会给你们创造机会的！(If teams are struggling to score vs Arsenal just pass the ball to xhaka and he’ll create you a chance.)
xepa105(桑普多利亚球迷)：要是扎卡下场比赛还能首发，我真想找人把埃梅里的脑袋拧下来…(If xhaka is starting next match someone needs to smack Unay Emery upside the head.)
Psycho_Sexy(利物浦球迷)：扎卡怎么总能逃脱埃梅里的轮换名单，难道他在训练里就成哈维-阿隆索了？(and yet, somehow, Xhaka manages to escape emery's rotation, he must Xabi Alonso during training.)
trollerballer(未知主队球迷)：好想成为扎卡这样的人，工作干得这么烂，但依旧是百万富翁…(I wish I could be as bad as Xhaka at my job and still be a millionaire.)
White_Duke(英格兰球迷)：埃梅里这赛季的计划就是争取比对手多进一个球，防守什么的就不要想了…(Emery's plan for the season = SCORE MORE THAN THE OTHER TEAM. FUCK DEFENCE.)
lfcfan123(利物浦球迷)：相信我，这不管用——来自红军球迷的肺腑之言。(Trust me, it doesn't work. Source: Liverpool fan.)
ottawaZed(阿森纳球迷)：阿森纳看来挺擅长治疗对手不进球的毛病啊！(Arsenal seems to have a good cure for teams that cannot score.)
absurdlyinconvenient(未知主队球迷)：莱诺是不是给埃梅里戴过绿帽，不然为啥老是替补啊…(Is Leno shagging Emery's wife? Can't think why he's still on the bench.)
(图)：我的愿望是阿森纳夺冠！
LSB12(阿森纳球迷)：穆斯塔菲进的球，都比他防下来的球都多了…(Mustafi scores more goals than he prevents.)
Madskv(里昂球迷)：哈哈，相比于自家禁区，穆斯塔菲在对方禁区的表现明显更好！(Mustafi is way better in the opposition's box than his own haha.)
Y2KN(切尔西球迷)：阿森纳要这样搞下去，这赛季怕是连欧联杯席位都没了！(If this arsenal team doesn't improve, they won't even get in the europa league.)
nallost_biochemist(阿森纳球迷)：有没有人能告诉我，怎么才能戒掉喜欢阿森纳啊？(can someone tell me how to quit caring about arsenal.)
keithohara(切尔西球迷)：我看阿森纳这赛季是不可能有一场零封了！(Arsenal will not get a clean sheet this season.)
Topecongiro(阿森纳球迷)：你就不能说点我们不知道的东西吗？(Could you tell us something that we’re not aware of?)
卢卡库梅开，曼联2-0伯恩利
Lacabameyang(阿森纳球迷)：这场比赛的评论区里，还没看到一条不是在吐槽裁判的…(I haven’t seen a comment that isn’t about the ref in this thread.)
MOoley8(曼联球迷)：裁判还不如搬个沙发躺在球场中圈吹比赛呢，反正也没啥区别…(He might as well have sat down on a sofa in the center circle and tried to make calls from there. Completely no difference.)
ottawaZed(渥太华球迷)：现在曼联的比赛简直就像一场戏，只不过伯恩利扮演了个悲剧的角色…(The drama from Man U games are always interesting now. Burnley just show up unfortunately to be a figure of tragic.)
Ghost51(曼联球迷)：这场比赛其实是EA推动的一种新玩法，在FIFA19里将会出现“无犯规”模式！(This game is actually a promotion by EA for the new "No Rules" mode they've added in FIFA 19.)
Cacdemarco(切尔西球迷)：曼联这场怎么把我车的tika-taka 踢法给偷走了？(Manchester steals our tika-taka technique.)
阿扎尔佩刀进球，切尔西2-0伯恩茅斯
Ultimatum(切尔西球迷)：虽然萨里每天抽80根烟，但最终杀死他的肯定是莫拉塔…(Sarri smokes 80 cigarettes a day but it will be Morata that kills him.)
Echo361(未知主队球迷)：根据切尔西的新教练综合征，这赛季联赛冠军稳了吧！(New coach Chelsea syndrome. They’ll prolly win the league.)
Tr_Omer(贝西克塔斯球迷)：坎特就像是绿巨人，不过绿巨人是越生气身体越强大，坎特是跑得越多体能越充沛！(Kante is like the Hulk (angrier he gets the more powerful he becomes) but instead he just gets less tired the more he runs.)
IrelandWhyra(爱尔兰球迷)：看到吉鲁帅帅的新发型，我已经开始怀疑自己的性取向了…(Giroud got a haircut and is gonna make me question my sexuality now.)
沃克斯特林进球，曼城2-1纽卡斯尔联
rthunderbird1997(纽卡斯尔球迷)：啊…曼城…别这样…不要…(oh no City yamete kudasai...)
Vengaa(凯尔特人球迷)：这可比看曼联的比赛有意思多了！(Better than watching United.)
Kold_Blooded_Killer(曼联球迷)：你确定？这赛季曼联的比赛简直就是笑话啊！(Nah United games actually been fairly entertaining this season.)
Scribble2thefloor(曼城球迷)：瓜瓜要不去学学巫术吧，看能不能尽快把丁丁治好…(Pep needs to study necromancy to resurrect De Bruyne ASAP.)
ViewsBot(未知主队球迷)：每次费尔南迪尼奥拿球的时候，都感觉他下一秒就会把球传给对方了…(Every time Fernandinho gets the ball he looks like he's about to give it away.)
酣畅淋漓，巴萨8-2韦斯卡
Zeta-Omega(利物浦球迷)：歪，妖妖灵吗？我要举报一场虐杀！(Hello Police? I'd like to report a horrible murder.)
st_huck(皇马球迷)：梅西用脚传出的球，都赶上NBA传球的水平了…(that's an NBA level crossover done with Messi feet.)
RuralHuman(巴萨球迷)：我们总能依赖最好的球员，比如梅西和乌龙迪尼奥！(We can always count on our best players, Messi and Owngoalinho.)
Royce_Melborn(巴萨球迷)：见鬼，虽然咱签下了乌龙迪尼奥，但对方球队都买了柱冯！(Wtf. We sign Owngoalinho. Other team signs barffon!)
IDGAFifigetbanned(未知主队球迷)：这场比赛，皮克想进球的心思可比防守的心思多多了…(Pique more eager about scoring a goal than defending.)
本泽马梅开贝尔进球，皇马4-1莱加内斯
Ishdalar(巴萨球迷)：自从C罗离开了皇马，皇马的每个球员都变成C罗了…(Everyone in Ronaldo form for Real Madrid this season since Ronaldo leaves.)
Touchd93(皇马球迷)：除了C罗自己…(Except Ronaldo.)
Arvi833(皇马球迷)：很好奔马，现在赛季进球数已经完成4/50了！(That's number 4 out of 50 then. Good going Benz!)
Thebutcher(皇马球迷)：安息吧，本泽马的锅！(RIP all my Benzema memes :(
Devanshr7(皇马球迷)：水爷这是要成为我团第3射手啊！(Ramos will be our third highest scorer this season ez.)
anelenrique10 (皇马球迷)：纳瓦斯展示完最佳门将奖杯后，直接就去替补席上坐着去了，感觉好心塞…(Navas presenting his award and headed straight to the bench. Looked sad, feel sorry for him.)
孙兴慜免服兵役，韩国2-1日本亚运夺金
Jackalop(热刺球迷)：把孙兴慜的金牌放在我们热刺的荣誉柜里吧，我确定里边的空间还很大呢！(Put Son's medal in the trophy case, we’ve definitely got the space for it.)
BigSmokeIsGod(未知主队球迷)：想象一下日本的热刺球迷这球看得是多矛盾…(Imagine how conflicted a Japanese spurs fan is.)
GMFan8(法国球迷)：终场哨响前，孙兴慜完成了职业生涯中第二重要的助攻！第一重要的助攻是本场比赛韩国队进的第一个球。(Son finished the second most important assist in his life before the whistle, the first one is the first SK goal in this match.)
MartyStuu(未知主队球迷)：现在我在韩国，我没看这比赛的直播，但他们每个进球我都知道，因为整个楼房都要被庆祝声掀翻了…(I’m in Korea now, I'm not even watching the match but I can tell when they score because the whole apartment building is blowing up lol.)
Paisus12(阿根廷球迷)：阿根廷也得学学这个兵役制度，这样还愁国家队踢不好吗？(Argentina should explores the possibility of instating conscription in hopes of getting better results from their national team.)
maturegambino1(未知主队球迷)：只要规定不夺冠不让吃麦当劳，我敢保证伊瓜因每场比赛都至少上演帽子戏法！(No mcdonalds if the team doesn’t win gold, I bet Higuain starts at least 3 goals a game.)